The Mirror of the Present Moment
When you talk to someone at length about what it means to explore healthy spirituality, or to grow as a person, most people will speak of a common thread: being present. There may be different motivations for this. For some, they recognize that they have failed to appreciate the good in their lives, and want to make sure they are present to enjoy what's really important to them. Some come to see that God, the universe, whatever one wants to call it, is only accessible in the present moment. Others get so overwhelmed by stress, emotions, addictions, etc. that the only way to survive is to take one moment at a time.
No matter the reasons for wanting to be more present, one truth remains: it is really damn hard.
As much as I want to be present, there always seems to be a really good reason not to be. Maybe I just want to spend a few more minutes on a project while my son is talking to me. Maybe I think I can figure out how to solve the problem waiting for me tomorrow while I finally get to watch that movie I've been dying to watch with my wife. At the end of the day, though, I often fail to be present because it's just too hard.
For many of us-probably most of us-there were times in our lives when the present moment was so unbelievably frightening that we felt the only way to survive was to not be present by any means necessary. This mostly happens when we are children and don't have the tools to deal with traumatic events in our lives, but it can happen as adults too. An accident, a betrayal, or a loss can be so devastating that we have to withdraw from what's facing us. We form all kinds of defense mechanisms to keep ourselves safe.
It happens, and often it is absolutely necessary. The trouble comes, however, when we get stuck in those survival modes to the point where we think that they define us. Maybe we keep people at a distance, or lash out at others before they get us, or bury ourselves in work to earn approval from others. Eventually, that becomes "just the way I am." Lying beneath all of that, however, is the authentic self that is longing to come back out and play.
Being present is hard because it requires us to put down the shields that serve to protect us but also keep us from living. It is like a mirror, revealing everything while sugar coating nothing. It requires us to let go of who we think we are to find the truth underneath. It takes hard work and it takes people with whom we feel safe to move forward. Richard Rohr calls it the "cross of the present." It is where we come to let our illusions die.
As painful as it can be to be present, it offers us so many gifts.
It teaches us that we are accepted.
It proves to us that we are enough.
It shows us that we have what it takes.
It reveals to us who we really are.
It confronts us with our addictions-to success, to deception, to manipulation-and leads us to liberation.
It offers us truth.
Being present is so, so hard. It takes a lot of work. Then one day, you catch a glimmer of your true self coming out, you feel the light of freedom illuminating your heart, and you sense the message of the present moment seeping through:
You are loved.
You belong.
Welcome home.